Again
by Synnerxx
Summary: Here you are, down on your knees again.
1. I Love You Please See And Believe Again

**Pairings: Jay/Spinner, mentions of past Jay/Alex**

**Warnings: Slash, het, cheating**

**Author's Notes: I really like this one! Yay! There will be another chapter to wrap this up soon. Review, loves!**

**Prompt: You were right about me at un_love_you**

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"You were right about me." Alex jumps, startled at the voice that drifts up from somewhere near her feet. It's Jay and he sounds bad, voice rough and hoarse, pain lacing every word.

"Jay, what the hell are you doing here?" She asks as she searches her pockets for her keys.

"Spinner broke up with me." Jay stands up as she opens the door and walks in after her, kicking the door closed.

"Why?" She asks, heading for the small kitchen and grabbing two beers from the fridge. She handed Jay one and took a seat on the couch next to him, shifting so she could face him.

"Because I cheated on him." Jay takes a swig of the beer in his hands.

"Why the fuck would you do something so stupid? He loved you! He was the best thing for you and you ruin it for, what, some bimbo in a bar or club?" Alex snaps, anger rising in her throat, hot and acidic, burning to get out. Instead she holds it in because this is too familiar, reminds her too strongly of when she found out that Jay was cheating on her in high school. She can only imagine how Spinner feels. He's been with Jay for a lot longer than Alex has.

Jay shrugs helplessly. He doesn't know. The thought that Spinner would find out never even crossed his mind. That makes him a selfish bastard, he knows, but he never meant to hurt Spinner. It just happened, and God, what a cliche that it is, but all the same, that's what he feels.

"You're an asshole." Alex says, still angry, but slightly more calm.

"I know." Jay says simply, taking another drink.

"Are you going to try to get him back?" Alex asks, taking a drink of her own beer.

"Yes, I still love him. I don't think he'll take me back, but I've got to try." Jay says, scrubbing at his face with his hands, looking utterly miserable. Alex doesn't bother wasting her pity and sympathy on him, the cheating bastard. Nevertheless, she reaches out and rubs his back lightly, giving a little bit of comfort.

He sighs and looks up at her, tears shining brightly in those too blue eyes. Something inside of her aches for a moment as she remembers all the times they spent together, all the touches and kisses, smiles and laughter. Then it's gone, and she reminds herself sharply that she's got Paige and doesn't need Jay anymore. She won't say she never needed him because there was a time that she did, but it was long ago and the person that needs Jay now is Spinner, no matter how much he hates Jay right now, and she knows he does because she's been though this before with Jay, and also knows that Spinner will still love the jerk because some part of her that she keeps buried still loves him too.

"You can sleep here tonight, if you want." Alex says abruptly, standing up and gathering their empty bottle from the coffee table.

"Thanks Alex." He says quietly, another sigh escaping him. He knows he messed up, know he hurt Spinner, knows that Spinner probably really doesn't like him right now, and might not even love him anymore (but he won't dwell on that because that hurts too much to contemplate. He needs Spinner like he needs the air that he breathes. He can't live without either.) but he knows he's got to go back to Spinner and show him that he still loves him and show him exactly how sorry he is for cheating on him.

Alex throws a pillow and a blanket at him and he mumbles his thanks and she nods, walking down the short hallway to her bedroom. The door closes, but Jay can hear her opening drawers and getting ready for bed.

He lays down and tries to fall asleep. Instead all he can see behind his closed lids is the look on Spinner's face as he walks in the door and sees Jay on the couch with the girl, he can't remember her name anymore, and sees their clothes in a pile on the floor.

He hears the way Spinner's voice sounded so broken and hurt as he told Jay to get out and never come back. He didn't even yell. What haunts him most, though, is the hollow and flat look in Spinner's usually warm eyes. How cold they looked, as though he were dead. He might as well be. Jay stole his heart and then threw it away all for some girl who's name he can't even remember.

Tears make their way slowly and silently down his face. It so bad to think that he had put that look on Spinner's face. The only thing left to do was erase it.

Easier said than done, but he was determined to do it.

Spinner was his other half after all. He needs him like he needs oxygen.

He could only hope that Spinner could see that it was times like these that you learn to love again.


	2. Give Me A Sign

**Pairing: Jay/Spinner**

**Warnings: Slash, cheating**

**Author's Note: I really like this one and I finished up the story in one day! I'm on a roll. Review, darlings!**

**Prompt: Wish I didn't love you at un_love_you**

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The morning lights spills in from between the blinds on the window. It hits Jay in the face, waking him up and making him groan. He squeezes his eyes shut for a moment, before blinking them open slightly, hand reaching out for Spinner. He freezes when all he meets is open air and sits up, disoriented for a minute. Then the event of yesterday and last night come rushing back at him like a tidal wave. How he had picked up that chick from the bar and brought her back to the apartment that he and Spinner shared, how Spinner had walked in on them screwing on the couch, how Spinner had thrown him out, how he had gone to Alex's apartment and spilled his guts to her.

He sags against the arm of the couch and sighs. He's been doing that a lot lately, but he can't bring himself to care. His world fell down around him and he finds it's harder to pick up the pieces than he had thought at first. He knows he has too though, or his life won't be worth anything. He won't be worth anything. Not without Spinner beside him.

He gets up and stretches, smoothing out the wrinkles from his clothes. He walks into the bathroom and studies his reflection in the mirror above the sink. He looks terrible, pale with sheet wrinkles across both cheeks. His eyes are red rimmed and look swollen, his face is puffy and his hair looks like a mess. He splashes some cold water on his face and winces. At least it woke him up. He finishes his business and heads back into the living room.

Alex has left him a note on the coffee table. He picks it up and reads over it quickly.

_Jay,_

_I have to be at work early this morning, but there's coffee in the kitchen and help yourself to some breakfast. Take a shower too, you don't want to look like complete shit when you go back home to win Spinner back. Hopefully, when I come home tonight, you won't be sitting on the floor, bawling your eyes out. Anyway, go get your boyfriend back. _

_-Alex_

_P.S. Some friendly advice: Don't cheat on him again and you just might get to keep him._

He smirks at the note and balls it up, throwing it into the trash as he fixes himself a cup of coffee. He drinks it down quickly and decides to forgo the shower. He doesn't have any clean clothes here and he hates putting dirty clothes back on after he's showered. He soon finds himself with nothing to do and he's trying to come up with something to do just so he doesn't have to face Spinner so soon.

He takes a deep breath and knows that he needs to get Spinner back, soon rather than later. He walks out of the front door, locking it behind him. He jogs down the stairs and pauses, leaning against his car door. He doesn't know what Spinner will say, if he'll even listen to Jay, but he's got to try, right? Right.

He sighs yet again and slides into his car, slamming the door to let out some of his frustration at himself for being so moronic. God, he feels like kicking his own ass. He drives too fast and plays his music too loud, blaring Metallica at top volume. It helps until he's pulling into the gate that leads into the complex that he and Spinner share. It's too soon and he's not ready. He's tempted to pull right back out and drive until he's so lost that he's doesn't even know which way he came from, but that's the coward's way out and, regardless of everything else he is, he's not a coward.

He gets out before he can change his mind and become a coward and walks up to his door and knocks, which is so weird, but he doesn't have time to contemplate that as the door swings open and Spinner is standing before him.

His eyes are red rimmed and his face is swollen from crying. Jay can see the dried tear tracks on his cheeks and hates himself suddenly and fiercely for how miserable Spinner looks. The thing that haunts him most is the look in Spinner's eyes. The dead, depressed look. It was utterly lacking in Spinner's normal warm and sparkling gaze.

"Jay? What the fuck do you want?" There is angry in that voice, but Jay never expected anything less. He knows he deserves it and much more.

"I love you." It's not what he had planned on starting with, but it's the first thing that pops out of his mouth.

Spinner snorts in disbelief and moves to shut the door. "Lie to me again."

Jay blocks the door with his foot. "Can we at least talk?"

"What's there to talk about?" Spinner asks, giving up on the door.

"Can I come in? I'd rather not have this conversation on the porch." Jay asks.

"I guess." Spinner seems so defeated and it breaks Jay's heart.

He walks in, shutting the door softly behind him. "I'm so sorry."

Spinner doesn't say anything, merely looks at him with the awful lifeless gaze.

"I never meant to hurt you. I don't even know why I did it. She meant nothing to me. I don't even remember her name. I love you and only you. Please say there's something I can do to fix this, fix us. Please baby, I need you. I miss you." Jay can't seem to shut up, but he wonders if any of this is getting through to Spinner.

Spinner stares at him for a moment, trying to keep from crying and throwing himself back into Jay's arms. It broke his heart when he walked in on Jay and that girl, but he had been so lonely and depressed that night without Jay. He hadn't slept at all. Their bed felt too cold and too big for him by himself.

"I wish I didn't love you, but I do." Spinner says, biting his lower lip.

"Does that mean we can fix this?" Jay asks, not wanting to get his hopes up, but unable to help himself.

Spinner heaves a sigh. "We'll try."

And that's good enough for Jay.


End file.
